Questions we are often asked as Funeral Directors

We believe it is incredibly important to be well-supported during and after the funeral arranging process. Finding the right funeral director to support you is an important element of this and will hopefully result in you creating a funeral that is right for you and the person who has died. Here, Sara and Jez from Full Circle Funeral Partners in Altrincham have answered some of the questions we are frequently asked. You may find it helpful to ask these questions yourself when you are looking for a funeral director, to help you decide.

In what ways do you differ from other funeral directing businesses in the area?

We work in our business day-to-day. This means we have a direct impact on how the service is run and the quality of support and care we provide. Full Circle Funerals was founded by Sarah, an NHS doctor, with the sole purpose of making the challenging time after loss so much easier for people to manage. She was inspired to develop a funeral service that looks after the person who has died as they would expect to be cared for in life and this makes our approach quite unique. Sarah, our founder, built the business on health and social care principles and has a strong background in pastoral care, which means the wellbeing of the bereaved person is at the heart of everything we do. Our service in Altrincham is built on this ethos and is independently owned by Sara and Jez. You know you will be dealing with one of us whenever you telephone or call in.

Is the owner involved with the day-to-day activities of the business? What role(s) do they have? Will I meet them?

We own and manage our funeral services and are involved in directing funerals. We  believe it is important that we are there for you when you need us to be and nothing will be too much trouble.

As well as being involved in directing funerals, we are responsible for doing everything possible behind the scenes to maintain the highest standards of care. We stay up-to-date with the latest guidance and best practice. We are passionate about raising awareness of good funeral care so that people are more likely to have their needs met, both for their own funerals and when arranging a funeral for someone else.

What did the owner do beforehand?

We both left established careers to become funeral directors. Jez had been a successful recruitment consultant for 20 years. Sara was a solicitor before taking a career break to bring up our two young children and train to become a psychotherapist. We liked the very different and modern approach to funerals that Full Circle had developed and its focus on person centred care.  Both of us have invested time and energy in building our knowledge and skills to offer the best possible service to people we support. We were proud to receive the Bereavement Support Award at the national AGFD Good Funeral Awards in 2023 and Sara volunteers for bereavement charity Cruse as a Bereavement Support Volunteer. We are proud to have been nominated as Funeral Director of the Year in the  AGFD 2024 awards.

Can you advise us on minimising the environmental impact of a funeral?

Yes, we have lots of experience in supporting people with greener funeral choices. We are happy to use our knowledge to guide your decisions, should this be something that it important to you or if it mattered to the person who has died. It may be that the environment is your primary concern when making decisions or you might want to make just a few planet friendly choices. Every little step taken by each person adds up to make a bigger impact overall.

Whereabouts will the person be looked after? Can we see your facilities?

We have everything in place here so that we can look after people at our own premises. It is really important to us that people receive the same care in death that they would expect during their life and we deliver that care ourselves. We are highly trained in all practical and specialist aspects of care and we go above and beyond this to be as respectful and considerate as we can possibly be. If you would like to see our facilities we would be very happy to show you round. Some people are keen to speak openly about what is possible whereas others would rather not. Our conversations will be guided by you and whatever your preferred approach, you will be safe in the knowledge that the person who has died is receiving the best possible care from us.

Who will look after them?

We (Jez and Sara) will look after the person who has died ourselves and we regard it as an  honour to be entrusted with their care. In every Full Circle Funerals service, it will be the Full Circle funeral directors themselves carrying out the care.

Can we come and visit them while they are in your care? How often? How long could we stay? Do you charge for this?

Yes of course. In fact, we would encourage this, if it is what you want. We hope you will feel that nothing is too much trouble and we will use our knowledge and experience to guide you and answer your questions. We know that there is a lot to think about and we will gently discuss whether you would like to see the person who has died in a coffin or in a bed situation, and what this might look like. There are no restrictions on the number of times you visit or how long you stay. However, we will ask you to book a time so that we can make sure you have the whole place to yourself. We are a small team so there may be occasions when we can’t facilitate every request but if this is the case, we will explain why not and suggest an alternative.

Who will be responsible for helping us make arrangements for the funeral?

Jez and Sara will help you plan the kind of funeral you want. Wherever possible, we make sure you have one point of contact for everything because we know how important and helpful this is. We will be guided by you as you explore different choices. We will tailor everything to your wishes in whatever way we can and we can gently suggest ideas should you want support to arrange a very personal funeral.

Will this person be there on the day of the funeral?

Yes, one of us will be there on the day. We know that it is important to have someone there who knows you and understands what is important to you and person who has died.

Can we provide people to carry the coffin, or do we have to have your staff do this?

Yes, if there are people who you would like to be involved in carrying the coffin, we will help you arrange this.  Coffins can be carried on shoulders, or some coffins can be carried using the handles (at waist height) which you might consider if some of the people who would like to carry the coffin are less physically able. If, on the other hand, you would like us to look after this aspect of the service, we can arrange professional pall bearers.

Will you be able to advise us on funeral venue choices? What do you know about the various options available in the area?

Yes, we feel strongly that personal choice is really important and place is a very significant aspect of this.  We have experience of working with the many different venues in the area. We will first of all listen to what you already know or have heard about venues and then look to expand some of your ideas and let you know about all the relevant options in your area, which might include hotels, community halls or even in your own garden.

Creating Personal Memory Boards

We are always inspired by the many ways in which the people we support choose to make a funeral so very personal. This is one of those occasions and we are extremely grateful to Lawrence for allowing us to share the following helpful information about how he created a special ‘Board of Condolence’ for Mary. The following blog is written in Lawrence’s own words.

I was very taken with an idea that came up when we were discussing Mary’s funeral to use Post-it notes rather than a book for condolence, particularly as Post-its were an important part of the training business Mary and I ran for the last 12 years. All our training rooms were covered in them.

For a modern funeral celebration Post-its have some obvious benefits: People can write their messages at their own pace, many doing so simultaneously, and take their time reading the other messages while they post theirs on the board. Also, having colourful notes on the tables and the board brightens up the room for funerals that want a ‘splash of colour’, which is how we also chose to describe our dress code.

Tips for anyone wanting to create a similar Board of Condolence

• It is worth using the original branded Post-it® notes and their ‘Super Sticky’ variety. Nobody should have to spend time picking precious memories off the floor.
• Test the surface you are using for your board beforehand. Even Super Sticky Post-its don’t stick well to whiteboards. I taped a large sheet of white card over an otherwise shiny board in advance to avoid disappointing drop-offs.
• Place some Post-its on the board in advance. Nobody likes to be the first on a blank board and your initial notes can help explain everything. At the start our board contained 8 different coloured Post-its which read ‘Board’ ‘of’ ‘Condolence’ ’Tell us’ ‘Why’ ‘You’ ‘Love’ ‘Mary’. After spotting the board on the way in no one needed to be told what to do. We made no announcements. People just picked up a pad and a pen from the tables or at the bar and gave us some lovely memories and messages.
• Provide a big enough board. We received more than enough notes but probably would have had more if my white card had covered the whole board.
• Don’t make it look like the office or a meeting room. We used a simple wooden artist’s easel (slightly less than 6’ high) which fitted our setting far better than a standard flipchart or whiteboard stand.
• Provide lots of decent size Post-its. 76mm x 127mm worked well for us. We had more than enough for our 120 guests with 12 pads of 90 notes, each split in half, spread across 24 tables each with a pen on top. It was all very colourful and lovely to see people feeling inspired by the abundance of notes.
• Give people the right type of pens/markers. Nobody carries the right sort in their jacket or handbag. Ballpoints and rollerballs are fine for normal writing but don’t stand out well enough on Post-its. On Mary’s board everyone wrote their notes with the 1mm line width fibre tipped pens we provided and the results were clear and visually consistent.
• Remember to take photos of the finished board in case notes are lost and the layout is meaningful to you. Better still use the free Post-it® smartphone app (from 3M) to digitise your notes – available from the App Store and Google Play.

I recommend the following or similar notes and pens:

• Post-it Super Sticky Notes Carnival Color Collection, Pack of 6 Pads, 90 Sheets per Pad, 76 mm x 127 mm.
• Post-it Super Sticky Notes Playful Color Collection, Pack of 6 Pads, 90 Sheets per Pad, 76 mm x 127 mm
• Pentel Sign Pen – Black, Packs of 12.

One other idea that really worked well for us was having physical postcard size photographs of Mary on the tables (in addition to a constant digital slideshow in the background on a large screen).

We used small wire card holders, each with two photos back to back. With the pictures standing upright, it felt a little like Mary was at every table and it certainly encouraged people to move around and mingle to see all the old happy-snappies and new digital reprints and that sparked lots of conversations.

Helping Young People after Online Bereavement

In a time where teenagers and young people form strong relationships online, we need to be able to support them after someone with whom they have an important connection with, has died.  This “digital grief” or “digital bereavement” can have a significant impact on those impacted and we consider how best to offer support in these circumstances.

Respecting the nature and depth of online friendships

Teenagers and young people typically spend a lot of time online, using social media, gaming platforms or other online communities.   Some of these online relationships can develop into friendships that are as deep and as meaningful to them as any non-online friendship.  The anonymity associated with being online may mean that young people are more able and willing to be open and unguarded.

Online relationships provide a way for individuals to connect with others without the pressure of face-to-face interactions. Experiencing a loss of such relationships can be bewildering and lead to feelings of loneliness and distress.  If this bond was private then there is also a risk that the young person may be unintentionally excluded from the funeral or other helpful activities.

Not everyone will understand

Technology is moving so quickly, and we need to accept that not everyone immediately grasps the importance and validity of online friendships.  It hard for young people to find support if they believe that the value and depth of their online relationships are not respected by others.

Sharing how they are feeling with others in their online community can help but, as with any community, not everyone will be supportive.   In extreme circumstances there is a risk that a young person may experience “disenfranchised grief” – a sense that their grief isn’t socially acceptable or is something to be ashamed of.

The first and most important way to prevent this happening is for us all to respect and validate online friendships – only when we do that will the young people we want to support believe that we can support them after bereavement.

Rituals and memorials

Loss and grief are always a unique and personal experience.  Furthermore, there are no well-worn conventions to follow after the death of an online friend.  The person who is grieving is unlikely to be invited to the funeral and even if they are, the event might not reflect the life of the person as they knew them.

We believe that attending a funeral and talking about the person who has died with others who knew them is helpful.  When these opportunities are not as readily available, it may be helpful to explore other ways to acknowledge the loss of an important life and to engage in activities which support the development of continuing bonds.

If the person who died was part of a strong online community, then the group may plan a virtual send-off that pays tribute to the person as everyone in that community knew them.

Memorial pages on social media can be helpful to some, but Facebook only allows memorial pages to be set up by someone with a death certificate which means the whole character of the page may differ from their virtual persona.

Continuing bonds

Continuing Bonds Theory says that when someone dies our relationship with them does not end, but it slowly changes over time.  The bond can remain just as strong, and some activities and rituals may help to establish and maintain the development of these bonds.

There are many individual and group activities which support the development of continuing bonds after someone has died.  Places, times, objects, songs and pictures can all be powerful and meaningful – if ideas and opportunities can be shared with the young person, then they can choose to engage in a way that feels helpful and right for them.

Finding support

Losing an online friend is a genuine loss that can be felt deeply and should never be regarded as inferior to other forms of grief. The grieving process is the same and professionals understand the emotions felt and how to offer support.

There are some excellent online bereavement support groups and grief websites suitable for young people experiencing loss.  Please get in touch if you have any specific questions, or need some advice about where you might find the support you need – we are here to help.

Websites

Teenage Grief Sucks – Grief Support by & for Teens

The Good Grief Trust: Coping with losing a friend – The Good Grief Trust

Young Minds: Dealing with grief and loss | Mental health advice | YoungMinds

Bereavement support

The Counselling and Family Centre (CFC)

Bereavement Support Group – Wednesdays 7-8.30pm. Therapist led. Email [email protected] for a Zoom invitation.

Full Circle Funerals Online Bereavement Support Group

First Wednesday of every month 5.30 to 7.30pm

Tel: 0161 928 6080 for more information

Cruse Bereavement Support, contact your local branch:

Contact your local branch – Cruse Bereavement Support

Sue Ryder – offer free personalised expert grief support by text https://sueryder.grief.coach/

Floral Tributes that Live On

With many of us becoming more aware of the environmental impact of our choices, British grown seasonal plants and living arrangements have become a popular choice for all sorts of occasions, including funerals.

Funeral floral tributes offer huge opportunities to be personal and creative.  With choices ranging from floral letter tributes to floral tributes for funerals inspired by favourite colours, sports teams or places.

Independent funeral directors Jez and Sara Fixter, of Full Circle Partners in Altrincham, helped a local family plan a living arrangement for their mother, specifically designed to be replanted after the funeral.  Floral tributes can be such a meaningful funeral choices, one which truly reflects the person who has died.

The arrangement featured some of their mother’s favourite seasonal blooms, including snowdrops and primula, with trailing ivy and Japanese holly, all of which could be replanted directly into the soil. Tulips and foliage were included which could be recut and displayed in a vase.

They transplanted the elements into their own garden where they can flourish for many years to come and remind them of their mother and her love of plants.

“It can be so comforting to spend time in the garden looking at the plants and bulbs coming up year after year and feeling a continuing bond with the special and important person you are remembering,” explained Sara.

“The wellbeing benefits of gardening really come into their own at difficult times in our lives, such as after bereavement, and our experience has shown us that finding personal ways to stay connected to someone who has died can have an incredibly positive impact on the grief process.”

The arrangement, which was put together by Hale-based florist Bloom & Gorgeous, was created to be naturally environmentally friendly and used peat free soil and a trough that could be reused as a planter.

 “The family felt that being able to replant plants and flowers from the arrangement in their garden would be lovely way to remember and honour her,” said Sara.

“A living arrangement as a floral tribute for a funeral is a very sustainable form of floral funeral tribute which tends to be fitting too, because people who love plants and gardening usually care deeply about the environment.”

The family included another thoughtful touch in the funeral service, displaying a piece of their mother’s embroidery work to recognise her love of snowdrops and her creativity.

“Being able to personalise a funeral creates an opportunity to bring meaning to the event and remember some of the special things about the person.

“Not everyone finds this helpful, of course, and we are always guided by those making the arrangements so that we can provide the information they need to create the kind of funeral they want.

“The important thing is that people know that they have options and that there is really very little that cannot be included, should they wish.”

For more information about Living Arrangements or Funeral Choices contact us.

Find out more about funeral choices.

In this article we are going to look at some of the ways that connections can be maintained with someone after they have died. These continuing bonds take many forms and there are lots of possibilities.

In the past, there may have been a tendency to encourage people “to move forward rather than dwelling on the past” after a significant bereavement.  We now know that this advice can be unhelpful and make people feel isolated and poorly understood. It is now accepted that finding ways to feel an ongoing connection and bond after someone has died recognises the changed nature of a relationship after bereavement and can help people find their own personal way to grieve.

The word ‘personal’ is important here because, just as every relationship is unique, maintaining a connection is a very individual thing. What works for some people will definitely not help someone else. With that in mind, the following ideas are intended to inspire and provoke your own thoughts rather than being prescriptive. We hope you find them helpful.

Photographs

People tell us that they have found it helpful to have a favourite photograph in a special place, perhaps next to a much-loved chair or on a shelf where it is easy to glance across at it often. Some people like to spend time creating an album of photographs, letters, tickets and other memories.

Personal items

Wearing a favourite piece of jewellery, whether it was a gift from the person who has died or an item that belonged to them, can create a very personal and enduring connection. Other personal items such as items of clothing, paintings, creative items or things that the person loved, can have the same comforting effect. Memorial jewellery can also be specially made.

Talking to them

So many people have told us that they take great comfort from talking to the person who has died. Often they feel embarrassed to admit that they do this but it is in fact a very common way to maintain a bond and something that people find incredibly helpful.

These conversations may happen spontaneously or in a more planned way – maybe taking place during visits to a special place.  Conversations may be about sharing news, talking about worries or problems or asking questions,

Talking about them

Other people can find it difficult to know what to say following a bereavement. They may not know how helpful it can be to talk about the person who has died. By bringing the person up in conversation, it can make it easier for you and them. It can also be helpful to talk about the person to new people, sharing the things that were special about them.

Sharing stories, reflecting on what someone might have said or thought in certain situations or remembering what was important to them are all powerful ways to make that person part of your present.

Writing letters or journalling

Journaling is often used when people are grieving as a way of processing emotions and thoughts. Writing letters to the person that has died is a similar idea and can be a useful way to stay connected as your own life moves forward, allowing you to share events, news and feelings.

Being creative

In a similar way to writing letters, creative writing such as poetry can be a helpful way to express emotion. Creativity can take many forms and our Art After Loss exhibitions are evidence of the fact that art can be a very positive vehicle when people are grieving. You can find out more about this on our Art After Loss page on our website which includes an online gallery of creative works made in response to loss.

Special days and places

Significant days like birthdays and anniversaries can be an opportunity to continue doing something which you enjoyed doing together or to take time out for a trip or favourite activity. There may also be places which you liked to visit together and these can be comforting at any time, not just on anniversaries.

Music

Listening to music is an excellent way to connect with our emotions. Some pieces of music may have particular significance for your relationship. You may even want to create your own music in memory of someone who has died. Find out more about music for wellbeing.

A favourite song, or piece of music which was played during a significant event may immediately create a strong feeling of connection to the person who has died.  Playing this music might be consoling but it may also catch you unawares while you are going about your day – which can be challenging.

Organising an event

Sometimes a death can inspire an event in memory of the person who has died and this may become a regular celebration of their life or the things that mattered to them. It might also a way to raise money for a charity that meant a lot to them or supported them during their life.

Continuing their work or ideas

If the person who has died was in the middle of a project, some people find it helpful to complete it for them. Perhaps they were making a model, putting together a family album or a family tree, training for a sporting challenge, raising money for a charity or planning a trip they had always wanted to take.

All of these ideas are simply that, and some will be more helpful than others. You may have formed your own continuing bonds and we would love to hear from you about ways you have been able to stay connected to someone after they have died. Everyone’s journey through grief is different and each person’s story can have the power to inspire somebody who may be struggling.

Read more on this topic and explore some continuing bonds activities that maintain positive memories after loss.  

If you would like support following bereavement please visit our bereavement support page on our website.

You can contact us to discuss any aspect of bereavement or funeral planning and wishes or to share your own story.