Author: Sarah Jones

Mandy was known for her sparkling personality and life-affirming positivity, which made her a hugely successful “charity angel”, raising more than £2m for good causes over the years and inspiring the #Bemoremandy fundraising campaign to encourage people to live life to the full.

How Mandy’s wishes created a dazzling funeral

Mandy was known for her sparkling personality and life-affirming positivity, which made her a hugely successful “charity angel”, raising more than £2m for good causes over the years and inspiring the #Bemoremandy fundraising campaign to encourage people to live life to the full. After being given the earth-shattering news that her cancer was in-curable in September 2021, her approach was “If I can’t add days to my life, I will add life to my days”.

Shortly before she died, Mandy’s husband, Andrew, was able to tell her that she had received an MBE in the Queen’s Honour List.

Before her death from cancer at the age of 53, Huddersfield fundraiser Mandy Taylor expressed detailed wishes about the funeral she wanted and recorded a personal audio to be played at the service.

After being diagnosed with cancer for the second time, she turned the experience of going for radiotherapy into a positive one, raising money for charity by recording carpool karaoke videos where she was chauffeured to hospital appointments by volunteers in a variety of vehicles singing along to her favourite songs.

After her third and terminal diagnosis, she turned her attention to her legacy and her funeral and the way she wanted her life to be celebrated and remembered.

Mandy’s funeral wishes

Mandy spoke to Sarah in the months leading up to her death to gradually build on her initial thoughts about what she wanted.  She started by knowing where she wanted the service to take place and that she wanted to be able to speak at the service – by leaving an audio-recording to be shared with the people attending.

Mandy knew that by expressing her funeral wishes she would be creating an occasion she would have enjoyed and would be helping her family, friends and those who knew her to take something positive from the occasion. She wanted her natural warmth and sense of fun to light up the event to remind people of the upbeat way she had chosen to live her life.

She decided to make her final journey in a white coffin which was decorated with ostrich feathers, diamante, sequins, and pearls in truly flamboyant Mandy style. A beautiful floral tribute spelled the word “Angel”.

She chose uplifting funeral songs – ‘The Power of Love’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood; ‘Rule The World’ by Take That and ‘Time To Say Goodbye’ by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman. Mandy also recorded a poignant and inspiring speech to be played at the service. Rule The World was her favourite song of all time as it was her “first dance” wedding song.

Fire me into the Sky

One of Mandy’s wishes, which by anyone’s standards is typical Mandy style, is that she wanted part of her ashes to be placed in a firework and at a time that her husband thought suitable, be fired into the sky over Huddersfield from the very popular Castle Hill.

Mandy’s birthday was September 21^st and by chance, an organisation called lights out are organising an event on September 26^th on Castle Hill whereby the whole of the Huddersfield Sky line will fall into darkness as all the lights will be switched off.  What a poignant moment for the Rocket, and part of Mandy, to be fired into the sky at this moment in time.

Mandy’s legacy

Mandy wanted to share her experience of expressing her wishes with others – so that they might feel able to do the same.  She found the experience so much more positive and empowering that she had believed possible and wanted to help other people, as she had always done.

“I don’t want tears and sadness; I want to leave behind a legacy of positivity,” Mandy said in a newspaper interview shortly before her death.  “I’ve had a fantastic life and I want people to remember that.”

In the last months of her life she also launched the #BeMoreMandy foundation – to encourage people to continue to raise funds in her memory.

Leaving funeral wishes

If Mandy’s story has inspired you to want to express your wishes and you would like some support then get in touch.  We know how helpful and important it is to leave and fulfil wishes so it is a pleasure to be able to help.  We can meet with you to understand and document your wishes free of charge and without obligation.

Ellie (*not her real name) and her family cared deeply about the environment. Before she died, they had spoken in detail about the type of funeral she wanted.

Ellie and her family wanted to make sure that she could have a funeral that was aligned with her values and very much guided by what she wanted.

There were many things they had already thought about before they approached us and we were able to expand on the ideas that they already had and share some suggestions which were in keeping with what Ellie told us was important to her.

Ultimately our main role was then to provide guidance and support to ensure that Ellie’s family were able to create a dy that reflected the things that were important to Ellie and her family.

What choices did they make?

Minimising the impact that the funeral had on the environment was a key driver for all the decisions that Ellie and her family made about her funeral.  Having this clear direction from Ellie made it much clearer for her family and working hard to make sure that Elle’s wishes were fulfilled was clearly really important to everyone involved.

Ellie’s family chose to have a natural burial at Tarn Moor, using a shroud with a homemade cover that Ellie had made with the help of her family and friends.

They used the Full Circle Funerals 100% electric ecohearse and only had a small number of attendees to minimise the environmental impact of travel associated with the funeral.

On the day of her funeral, Ellie was placed in a hand-made shroud which she had made with her family before she died.  The shroud was made from natural materials and everything that was in the shroud with Ellie was fully biodegradable and natural – which is really important in natural burial.

As Ellie’s family decided to conduct the service themselves, we had only a small amount of input on the day as we helped to bring some gentle structure. Everything was kept very simple, with no order of service and beautiful, seasonal flowers that had been picked from Ellie’s garden, which were placed in the grave with her. Ellie’s family acted as pallbearers and chose some natural essential oils to drip onto the shroud cover.

Ellie and her family chose not to have a traditional wake on the day of the funeral because the burial location was a distance from the village where they lived and they were keen to minimise the carbon footprint associated with travelling to and from the funeral. Instead they arranged a memorial service a few days later in the village, where people could easily walk to the venue.

Making everything possible

Ellie’s family were clear about what they wanted for the funeral ceremony but hadn’t made any decisions about where it would take place. We were able to talk to them about the possibilities so that they could choose somewhere that would be a good fit for the kind of ceremony they wanted.

They hadn’t considered how, or where, Ellie would be cared for after she had died and how this might affect some of the decisions they made.

We first met with Ellie and her family in hospital before she died and spent time discussing what was possible. They then had time to reflect carefully on our conversation before coming to Full Circle Funerals in Guiseleyto spend time with her  once she was in our care and talk through their final choices.

We were able to listen, support and provide practical and helpful information to make it as easy as it could be for Ellie’s family to arrange the funeral she would have wanted.

What made this funeral personal and memorable?

David Billington of Full Circle Funerals supported the family and friends throughout as they fulfilled her wishes and created a green funeral and natural burial, respecting the environment that meant so much to her and her friends and family.

David says: “I loved the handmade shroud that she had made with her family and friends prior to her death. I thought this was a really special touch that created a deep connection on the day of the funeral, with everyone present who had been a part of creating this.”

Harriet’s wishes

Shared by Harriet’s sister, Charlotte Allen

My sister Harriet was a larger than life character: talkative, funny, irreverent, with a big heart, a person who made an impression on people. She was also a straight talker and one of the aspects of life that she and I were always ready to talk about was dying, particularly our own. On the day after her shocking and unexpected diagnosis, she said to me ‘I want to have a good death’. We had witnessed a close family member having the worst possible death – both the way of her dying suddenly, and the aftermath for the rest of the family – and so she was talking from painful experience.

In a nutshell, Full Circle, (along with St Gemma’s, other professionals, and Harriet herself) were a crucial part of making sure that she had the best death possible.

It was wonderful serendipity that I already knew Ruth, having spoken to her at the Leeds Bereavement Forum on several occasions. She was warm, open and empathic, and I was clear that Full Circle would be my ‘go to’ Funeral Service when needed, although I didn’t expect to be a customer quite so soon.

When I met Ruth again at the Forum earlier this year, and mentioned that sadly, my sister had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given six months to live, she suggested that she and Harriet and I could meet up, if that appealed to Harriet. I mentioned this to Harriet, who jumped at the offer. The afternoon we spent together at Guiseley was a very special time for all three of us. The meeting put Harriet at her ease, and at the centre of the funeral plans, in charge of her own dying wishes. She had already found the coffin she wanted, and we talked about other details and possibilities. It also gave Ruth and I a head start when Harriet later died. Never reluctant to speak her mind, it was a massive advantage to know of Harriet’s wishes and not to find ourselves asking, ‘What would she have wanted’?

Fulfilling wishes

A gift to Harriet and those who love her

There are so many decisions to be made around a funeral, including flowers, music, eulogies, dress code, coffin attire, ashes and any religious involvement. –  aspects that Harriet had left us in no doubt about. In my own funeral wishes, I have said that most of the decisions don’t matter – let my closest family do whatever they would find most comfortable. Now I realise that is not necessarily the most helpful guidance for loved ones at a time of great sadness and possibly shock. Having some ideas is SO useful, even if you don’t follow the suggestions.

When Ruth realised that she would not be available on the day of the funeral, she gave us a choice: stick with her and Nic would take over on the day, or move to Nic immediately. Giving the family choices, and putting them at the centre of all decisions, so that the funeral is a truly personal one, is characteristic of everything Full Circle does. And so we had the benefit of two funeral directors, very different in personality, but both wonderfully sensitive to our needs, and both women that I would trust with my life (and my death!).

I think it is easy to forget how important the celebrant is in setting the tone of the service, and I have been to funerals where it is obvious – and disconcerting – that the celebrant / minister doesn’t know the person. Harriet’s celebrant was her first husband. They have always stayed in touch and maintained a real fondness for each other. He and Nic worked closely together and on the day he was pitch perfect. Him knowing Harriet well made a huge difference to the event.

There were two other unforgettable aspects to the funeral.  One was the cardboard coffin with a beach scene printed on it – sandy beach and horizon around the sides of the coffin, and seagulls flying, wings spread, on the lid. It was absolutely beautiful and very Harriet. (The only thing on her bucket list was to see the sea once again). My niece had cheekily suggested that we might place a bag of chips on the lid of the coffin (Harriet wanted no flowers and flowers would not have gone well with seagulls soaring). Nic’s response, which was typical of everything that we spoke about, was to reply solemnly,, ‘If that is what you would like, we can do that’. And we did!  As the hearse pulled into Lawnswood Crematorium, and 160 mourners watched the coffin being lifted out and placed on a dais for everyone to see, a bag of chips was unwrapped on the lid, to a round of applause. It set the tone for a moving and very individual event

Harriet’s own words

“A beautiful occasion”

The other heart-stopping moment was Harriet speaking her own words at the funeral. Ruth had mentioned that some people like to make an audio recording to be played after their death, an idea that would never have occurred to us, but which appealed to the drama queen in my sister. On hearing her voice, there was not a dry eye in that crematorium.

We also opted to have a video recording made of the entire event, which has since been sent to everyone who attended and those who couldn’t. I hadn’t realised just how much it would mean to me to be able re-watch that occasion in a quiet moment of my choosing.

In singing the praises of the heart-warming emotional support we received from everyone at Full Circle, it would be easy to under-estimate the value of their unstinting professionalism in making sure that everything ran smoothly, and that the all-important legal requirements were met on time. It was reassuring to have Nic’s knowledge and guidance whenever we needed it, checking in with the Registrar and alerting us to an error made by the GP in registering the death.

By the time the day approached, strange to say, but we started to anticipate a beautiful occasion, full of Harriet’s life, safe in the knowledge that if anything went wrong Full Circle, and all their amazing staff had our backs and would make it ok. They did more than make it ok: they made a day which was full of love and grief, tears and laughter, very special for a lot of people. We will never be able to adequately say thank you for all the professional competence and tender loving support.

We are truly grateful to Charlotte for sharing her experience to help and empower others – please support us to reach as many people as possible by sharing Harriet and Charlotte’s story with anyone who you think will find it helpful.

If you would like to support to understand and express your wishes, or have any questions about funeral choices or how to arrange a funeral then we will try to answer any questions that you have – we are here to help