How to Choose a Funeral Director

Choosing a funeral director is one of the first and foremost decisions you’ll make after someone has died. It shapes how you create a funeral to honour their memory and say your goodbyes. Many people have limited experience of making funeral arrangements, so it can make a big difference if the person you choose is knowledgeable, able to personalise their support to your needs and available when you need them.

Finding the right balance between practical support and genuine care is essential. This guide explores key considerations and essential questions to ask, so you can make a confident choice when selecting a funeral director.

Understanding the role of a funeral director

Funeral directors manage the practical arrangements of a funeral, such as bringing the person who has died into their care, liaising with service providers and handling documentation like cremation or burial paperwork.

A good funeral director will offer emotional support and guidance, to help you make decisions about the type of funeral you’d like to arrange. Whether you’re planning a traditional service, an environmentally friendly ceremony or something more personalised, they will work with you to ensure the arrangements reflect your wishes and reflect the life of the person who has died.

Although this is not always the case elsewhere, funeral directors at Full Circle will look to support you from the first contact you have, throughout the planning process, on the way of the funeral and afterwards, if this is what you want.

Things to think about when choosing a funeral director

When selecting the right funeral director, there are several aspects to keep in mind:

A connection that feels right

Feeling at ease with a funeral director matters. Their ability to listen fully and understand your wishes will help create a service that truly reflects the life of the person who has died. A personal connection can make discussing sensitive details and sharing your worries feel less daunting.

Services that suit your needs

Every family’s preferences are different. Some funeral directors focus on traditional services, while others might offer eco-friendly or more personalised options. If you’re unsure about what you’d like, look for someone who is open to discussing possibilities and exploring what feels right for you.

Transparency of funeral costs

Understanding the costs involved in a funeral can ease financial worries. A funeral director who provides clear, upfront information about pricing and packages can help you plan without worrying about hidden extra costs and give you confidence that you are only spending money on what matters to you.

Convenience and accessibility

Opting for a local funeral director can simplify meetings and give you the opportunity to visit their facilities. A location that’s easy for family members to reach can also help on the day of the service. It is important to ask where the person who has died will be physically cared for (and you might like to know who will be delivering this care).

Respect for faith and culture

If your family has specific religious or cultural traditions, finding a funeral director who respects and understands these practices is important. Asking about their experience with particular faiths or customs can help make sure the funeral reflects your values.

A funeral director should never dictate which rituals you must adhere to but be responsive and facilitate the most fitting series of activities.

Environmental values

Many families are choosing sustainable options, such as green burials. Ask the funeral director how they incorporate environmentally conscious practices into their services. Evidence-based sustainable funeral care is evolving rapidly and some funeral directors have much more interest and experience than others. Looking for external validation, such as B Corp accreditation, may give you some additional confidence.

What to ask a funeral director

Making decisions after someone has died can feel overwhelming, especially when it comes to choosing a funeral director. Knowing what questions to ask can provide clarity and help you feel more supported during this challenging time.

Here are some helpful questions to consider when speaking with a funeral director:

What funeral packages do you offer, and what do they include?
Why do you offer packages? How do you think a package helps me?
What kind of payment plans and financial support can you signpost me to?
Can you help me personalise funeral services and ceremonies?
What options are available for memorial services?
Can you provide a breakdown of all costs involved?
Do you have experience with alternative or non-traditional funeral arrangements?
How do you help families manage the planning process during difficult times?

These questions can help you understand the services they provide and their approach to supporting you and your family. Taking the time to ask can ease some of the uncertainty you may be feeling.

The importance of personalisation

You do not have to make a funeral personal – there is no pressure to do so – but many people do find it consoling to add personal choices and find ways to reflect the life, loves and idiosyncrasies of the person who had died. Discuss your ideas with potential funeral directors and observe how willing they are to adapt to your requests. A good funeral director will explore ways to expand on your ideas and share their expertise to help you be as creative as you want to be. The right professional will be able to offer you plenty of choice and flexibility when it comes to adding personal and unique touches to a ceremony.

Comparing funeral directors

Once you’ve spoken to a few funeral directors, take time to compare their services, costs involved and overall approach. Pay attention to how they respond to your questions and whether their communication feels clear and empathetic.

Visiting funeral homes can also provide insight into their facilities and the atmosphere they create. Are the spaces warm and inviting? Do they offer private areas for family meetings? These details can help you decide if a funeral director is the right fit for your needs.

It is perfectly reasonable to visit a funeral director and ask them questions before deciding who you would like to support you.

Reviews and testimonials from previous clients can be helpful in evaluating their reliability and level of care. Look for feedback on aspects such as professionalism, compassion and the quality of the funeral service provided.

Finding the right support

At Full Circle Funerals, we understand how difficult it can be to plan a funeral, and we’re here to help. Our experienced team works with families across Yorkshire and Cheshire to create the right service for their needs, whether it’s a personalised memorial, a traditional ceremony or a more simple option. Contact us today to discuss your funeral planning needs.

How Long Does a Funeral Service Last?

Funerals are a chance to acknowledge a loss and celebrate the life of someone special and come together to honour their memory. If you’re arranging or attending a funeral, understanding how long the service might take can help you to feel prepared and know what to expect on the day.

In this blog, we’ll look at the typical timings for elements such as eulogies, burials and cremations, to help you plan and feel more at ease during this important day. It is important for us to stress that these are not rules – many people find it helpful to have a framework to build their plans around, but you can adapt this as much as you want to until it fits you needs.

Factors that influence funeral service length

Funeral services can vary in length depending on the type of ceremony, personal preferences and practical considerations. Cremation services typically last around 20 to 30 minutes when they take place at the crematorium. Services which take place out with the crematorium vary in length enormously. Some people still like to stick to 20 to 30 minutes, whereas others use the time flexibility to introduce many more elements and create a longer service – sometimes lasting several hours. Time spent at the graveside depends on whether there is a service taking place there, or whether it will only involve speaking words of committal.

Personal touches, such as eulogies, readings or musical performances, can also extend the service, especially if multiple speakers or tributes are planned. You should also factor in travel time between locations if the cremation or burial location is separate from the venue where the service is being held.

Time allocations at specific crematoria may also influence the duration – this is typically between 30 to 45 minutes. Families can sometimes book double slots (two slots next to each other) if more time is needed and this will incur additional costs. Traditional funerals, cremation services and memorial services often differ in length, with religious ceremonies sometimes requiring additional time for specific rituals and if they are lead in a place of worship then it is likely that there will also be travel time to the committal location. Working with a funeral director can help make sure that all aspects of the ceremony fit within the allocated timeframe.

What happens during a funeral service?

Funerals often begin with the funeral procession arriving at the venue. People may have already gathered for the hearse to arrive or some family and friends may have chosen to travel with the hearse, setting off from the funeral home or the family home together. Whether the procession includes a traditional hearse or a vehicle chosen to reflect the personality of the person who has died, this journey often carries a quiet dignity that resonates with everyone present and can be a meaningful party of the funeral.

The main service often brings people together to share memories, find comfort and offer a eulogy or a few words. There may be readings and hymns, with some families inviting people to share personal reflections.

After the main funeral service, the committal occurs. The final words are spoken and this is often the last time that you are physically with the coffin. At cremations, this may involve the curtains gently closing around the coffin or a moment of reflection accompanied by music. For burials, the committal usually involves lowering the coffin into the grave, often accompanied by prayers or non-religious words of committal said by the person leading the service. Families may choose symbolic gestures like scattering soil or flowers into the grave to create a deeply moving and personal farewell.

Religious and cultural considerations

Religious ceremonies can have a significant impact on the length of a funeral service. Church of England services typically last around 30 minutes, while Catholic funerals may extend to an hour or more if they include a Requiem Mass. Muslim funerals, which emphasise simplicity, are often shorter, lasting around 30 minutes while members of the Sikh community may visit multiple locations during the extended funeral service (including remaining at the crematorium to watch the charging of the coffin).

Non-religious services can provide greater flexibility in both structure and duration, allowing families to personalise the event to reflect their wishes. Elements such as poems, music or personal tributes can be included in any service to create a ceremony that feels meaningful and unique.

Alternative funerals also open opportunities for families to hold the service in modern funeral locations, such as outdoor spaces or family homes. These options can allow for a more relaxed and informal atmosphere, which may appeal to families seeking a personalised approach and more control.

How we can support you

Every funeral is unique, shaped by the wishes of the family and the life of the person being remembered. Planning a funeral can feel overwhelming, but with our practical and emotional support, you can be sure every detail will be handled with care, attention and kindness.

Our funeral directors based across the North West and Yorkshire are here to guide you through the process, from organising venues and flowers and connecting with the person who is going to conduct the service. Whether you’re looking for a traditional service, a personalised memorial or a simple ceremony, we will take the time to understand your preferences, and help you create a meaningful tribute that reflects your wishes and what you know to be right for you. We also have a funeral planning guide that can help you consider your options. Contact us to discover how we can help you today.

Award-Winning Service at Full Circle Funerals

At Full Circle Funerals, we are proud to have been recognized for our dedication to compassionate, thoughtful, and innovative funeral care. Our commitment to supporting individuals and families during difficult times has been acknowledged through numerous prestigious awards and nominations over the years, which serve as a testament to our unwavering focus on providing exceptional services.

Full Circle Funerals Yorkshire

We have been honored multiple times at the Good Funeral Awards – the only national funeral awards in the UK. These awards celebrate excellence in funeral services, with decisions based on feedback from families and professionals. Winning these awards has meant a great deal to us, as they reflect the positive impact of our approach.

In 2017, we were delighted to win “Best Modern Funeral Director.”
In 2018, we were nominated for “Funeral Director of the Year.”
Recognition continued in 2019 and 2021 as finalists in the categories “Green Funeral Director of the Year” and “Best Newcomer.”
Most recently, in 2023, we were thrilled to win both “Green Funeral Director of the Year” and “Funeral Director of the Year.” While we haven’t entered the awards since, who knows what 2025 might bring!

Locally, our work has also been celebrated. At the Yorkshire Choice Awards, which honour businesses and individuals making a positive difference in the region, we were finalists in both the “Independent Business of the Year” and “Community Impact” categories. We’ve also been recognized by the Stray Ferret Awards, celebrating excellence in North Yorkshire businesses, where we were proud to be finalists.

In addition to industry accolades, our innovation and commitment to creating a supportive workplace culture have earned international recognition through the Modern Work Awards, highlighting our dedication not only to client care but also to building an empowered and compassionate team. On the national stage, Full Circle represented funeral care as finalists in the prestigious Lloyds Bank Business Excellence Awards 2022.

Our founder, Sarah Jones, has received personal recognition for her leadership and contributions. She was shortlisted in the Stray Ferret Awards as a “Dynamic Leader” for her work as a speaker, campaigner, researcher, author, business leader, and mentor. In 2023, Sarah was also a finalist in the “Mentor of the Year” category at the Connect Yorkshire Awards.

Ultimately, while we strive to ensure that every family we support feels valued, heard, and cared for during their journey with us, this external validation is much appreciated and service to reassure people looking to choose a funeral director.

Full Circle Funerals Partners Altrincham

Our Partners service in Altrincham, owned by Jeremy and Sara Fixter have also been the recipients of local and national awards.

At the 2023 Good Funeral Awards they won the Best Bereavement Awareness Support Award, the judges based their decision on testimonials that were received from people who they have helped and professionals they have supported and signposted to bereavement resources in the past year. They were also finalists for Funeral Director of the year in 2024.

Locally Jez and Sara have won Business of the Year in the Altrincham & Sale Chamber of Commerce Awards 2024

Full Circle Funerals has been supporting Yorkshire lawyer Ian, who’s arranged for his body to be composted, when he dies. Here he shares with us why he chose this natural approach, and how he discussed his choices with his family.

Human composting in the USA — A posed dummy with plant material demonstrates how the decedent’s body is placed in a Recompose cradle during a laying-in ceremony, just before the soil transformation process begins.
Photo Credit: Recompose

Why I Chose Human Composting

Human composting, also known as natural organic reduction (NOR), is an alternative to burial or cremation that’s currently available in some parts of the US. Full Circle Funerals has been supporting Yorkshire lawyer Ian, who’s arranged for his body to be composted, when he dies. Here he shares with us why he chose this natural approach, and how he discussed his choices with his family.

When did you start to think about the type of funeral you wanted?

Following the death of a neighbour and serious illness in my family, when I turned 70 my own mortality suddenly hit me in the face, and I began to dwell on my death. It made me feel rather depressed, if I’m honest, but it also led me to think about what would happen to my body after I died. I’ve been to a few cremations and was unimpressed, at some, by the fact that they seemed to be no more than a conveyor belt type of service, which was rather impersonal, in my experience, with the Celebrant clearly not knowing the person at all. That said, I’ve attended two, beautiful, cremation services, in Churches, one, in fact, the neighbour’s, arranged by Full Circle, which is why I made contact with them. I also have a bit of a strange phobia of being 6ft under.

What led you to consider human composting as an option?

I read an article about human composting, in the Guardian, a couple of years ago, to which I was immediately attracted, so I was aware of this as an alternative. I’m quite environmentally aware, and like to be forward thinking, and I was an early adopter of the electric car, for example. Despite this, and the fact that I’m known for being a bit of a non-conformist, when I mentioned human composting to my family, they thought I was absolutely bonkers!

Did you consider any other alternatives?

I looked into human composting in more detail and also looked at other processes such as aquamation, which Archbishop Desmond Tutu had, but, although the equipment is made in Leeds, this isn’t available in the UK, just yet. There’s a freeze-drying/shattering process too, I discovered, but I don’t think that’s got off the ground. I was interested in the Sikh tradition of open pyre funerals, which again involves a natural process, above ground. Following a High Court case that permitted them on religious reasons, I understand they’re now available in Northumbria, but apparently only for Sikhs. My wife and I visited two natural burial grounds, in Yorkshire, but these still involve being buried, somewhat deep underground, which I don’t want.

How did you go about researching and planning for natural organic reduction?

I’m using a company called Recompose, in Seattle, WA, USA. My wife did say that she’d prefer my remains to stay in Yorkshire, but we discussed it, and I explained that a traditional funeral service isn’t something I want, as an agnostic. I want to be neither buried, nor cremated, and prefer for my remains to be returned back to nature, as soil, on the surface of the Planet, in a beautiful landscape, and I don’t want anyone to feel any obligation to make a pilgrimage to visit and tend a grave, whatsoever.

The environmental impact is quite important to me too. Cremations use a lot of natural gas, and release a lot of CO₂ etc, and cemeteries use valuable land, that’s in short supply, that could be used for other purposes. I had to confirm that my body could be transported to the US without being embalmed, as that would mean that it couldn’t be composted. I’m pleased to say that this is possible, thanks to David Billington’s researches. The only aspect with a carbon footprint is the flight, but I’ve kind of justified that to myself in the knowledge that the flight would be going anyway, and it won’t be being arranged just for me. By being a relatively early adopter of this process, in due course, I hope that in the future it will be available more widely, particularly in the UK, so that there’s no need to travel overseas.

How does human composting work?

The whole process is very natural and beautiful. My body will be laid in a cradle within a honeycomb structure above ground and be covered with plant material, including alfalfa, wood chips and straw. I’ve chosen some of my favourite music to be played during my “laying in”. Over the next 30 days, microbes that occur naturally in our bodies and the environment will transform my body into nutrient-dense soil. The whole process is very in tune with people and nature. The soil can be returned to relatives if they live in the US, but I’ve chosen for mine to be used in a mountain re-wilding project near Seattle.

How have you found the process of choosing and setting out your funeral wishes?

It’s been an extremely positive process. I don’t have to worry any more about what will happen to my body after I die, so I’ve no fear of dying now, and it’s really helped me to know what is going to happen in the end, and, until then, I intend to live life to the fullest.

David, at Full Circle, was very friendly, understood my concerns and phobias, helpfully listened to my needs, did the necessary research, and liaised with Recompose, who are also great to work with.

I’ve signed up to Recompose’s “Precompose” plan, where I’m locked in at a fixed price, and pay a monthly instalment, by a direct debit, from my credit card. When I die, Full Circle will set the wheels in motion, in the UK, and send me to Recompose, who will take over from there. Of course, there’ll be additional fees to pay Full Circle, and I set aside a monthly sum, in a savings account specifically for that, so my wife won’t have to worry about finding that money when I go.

The NOR process is now legal in Washington State, California, Colorado and New York State (the most recent adopter). Who knows, legislation permitting, Recompose may one day open a Branch here. My Plan is transferrable to any of their locations, but, at present, I’m staying with their HQ in Seattle, a city I’ve visited, many years ago, and my son lives not too far away in Canada.

If you would like to support to understand and express your wishes, or have any questions about funeral choices or how to arrange a funeral then we will try to answer any questions that you have – we are here to help.

Questions we are often asked as Funeral Directors

We believe it is incredibly important to be well-supported during and after the funeral arranging process. Finding the right funeral director to support you is an important element of this and will hopefully result in you creating a funeral that is right for you and the person who has died. Here, Sara and Jez from Full Circle Funeral Partners in Altrincham have answered some of the questions we are frequently asked. You may find it helpful to ask these questions yourself when you are looking for a funeral director, to help you decide.

Local Funeral Directors - Altrincham and South Manchester

In what ways do you differ from other funeral directing businesses in the area?

We work in our business day-to-day. This means we have a direct impact on how the service is run and the quality of support and care we provide. Full Circle Funerals was founded by Sarah, an NHS doctor, with the sole purpose of making the challenging time after loss so much easier for people to manage. She was inspired to develop a funeral service that looks after the person who has died as they would expect to be cared for in life and this makes our approach quite unique. Sarah, our founder, built the business on health and social care principles and has a strong background in pastoral care, which means the wellbeing of the bereaved person is at the heart of everything we do. Our service in Altrincham is built on this ethos and is independently owned by Sara and Jez. You know you will be dealing with one of us whenever you telephone or call in.

Is the owner involved with the day-to-day activities of the business? What role(s) do they have? Will I meet them?

We own and manage our funeral services and are involved in directing funerals. We believe it is important that we are there for you when you need us to be and nothing will be too much trouble.

As well as being involved in directing funerals, we are responsible for doing everything possible behind the scenes to maintain the highest standards of care. We stay up-to-date with the latest guidance and best practice. We are passionate about raising awareness of good funeral care so that people are more likely to have their needs met, both for their own funerals and when arranging a funeral for someone else.

What did the owner do beforehand?

We both left established careers to become funeral directors. Jez had been a successful recruitment consultant for 20 years. Sara was a solicitor before taking a career break to bring up our two young children and train to become a psychotherapist. We liked the very different and modern approach to funerals that Full Circle had developed and its focus on person centred care. Both of us have invested time and energy in building our knowledge and skills to offer the best possible service to people we support. We were proud to receive the Bereavement Support Award at the national AGFD Good Funeral Awards in 2023 and Sara volunteers for bereavement charity Cruse as a Bereavement Support Volunteer. We are proud to have been nominated as Funeral Director of the Year in the AGFD 2024 awards.

Can you advise us on minimising the environmental impact of a funeral?

Yes, we have lots of experience in supporting people with greener funeral choices. We are happy to use our knowledge to guide your decisions, should this be something that it important to you or if it mattered to the person who has died. It may be that the environment is your primary concern when making decisions or you might want to make just a few planet friendly choices. Every little step taken by each person adds up to make a bigger impact overall.

Whereabouts will the person be looked after? Can we see your facilities?

We have everything in place here so that we can look after people at our own premises. It is really important to us that people receive the same care in death that they would expect during their life and we deliver that care ourselves. We are highly trained in all practical and specialist aspects of care and we go above and beyond this to be as respectful and considerate as we can possibly be. If you would like to see our facilities we would be very happy to show you round. Some people are keen to speak openly about what is possible whereas others would rather not. Our conversations will be guided by you and whatever your preferred approach, you will be safe in the knowledge that the person who has died is receiving the best possible care from us.

Who will look after them?

We (Jez and Sara) will look after the person who has died ourselves and we regard it as an honour to be entrusted with their care. In every Full Circle Funerals service, it will be the Full Circle funeral directors themselves carrying out the care.

Can we come and visit them while they are in your care? How often? How long could we stay? Do you charge for this?

Yes of course. In fact, we would encourage this, if it is what you want. We hope you will feel that nothing is too much trouble and we will use our knowledge and experience to guide you and answer your questions. We know that there is a lot to think about and we will gently discuss whether you would like to see the person who has died in a coffin or in a bed situation, and what this might look like. There are no restrictions on the number of times you visit or how long you stay. However, we will ask you to book a time so that we can make sure you have the whole place to yourself. We are a small team so there may be occasions when we can’t facilitate every request but if this is the case, we will explain why not and suggest an alternative.

Who will be responsible for helping us make arrangements for the funeral?

Jez and Sara will help you plan the kind of funeral you want. Wherever possible, we make sure you have one point of contact for everything because we know how important and helpful this is. We will be guided by you as you explore different choices. We will tailor everything to your wishes in whatever way we can and we can gently suggest ideas should you want support to arrange a very personal funeral.

Will this person be there on the day of the funeral?

Yes, one of us will be there on the day. We know that it is important to have someone there who knows you and understands what is important to you and person who has died.

Can we provide people to carry the coffin, or do we have to have your staff do this?

Yes, if there are people who you would like to be involved in carrying the coffin, we will help you arrange this. Coffins can be carried on shoulders, or some coffins can be carried using the handles (at waist height) which you might consider if some of the people who would like to carry the coffin are less physically able. If, on the other hand, you would like us to look after this aspect of the service, we can arrange professional pall bearers.

Will you be able to advise us on funeral venue choices? What do you know about the various options available in the area?

Yes, we feel strongly that personal choice is really important and place is a very significant aspect of this. We have experience of working with the many different venues in the area. We will first of all listen to what you already know or have heard about venues and then look to expand some of your ideas and let you know about all the relevant options in your area, which might include hotels, community halls or even in your own garden.

If we have a specific date in mind, will you be able to accommodate this?

Depending on where you would like the funeral to take place, we will first of all check to make sure there is availability on your chosen date. This may include the crematorium or burial ground, service location (if different), person conducting the service (officiant) and the funeral director. Whatever date you choose, we will do our utmost to make ourselves available

How can we play an active part in the procession or in the ceremony?

At every stage we will ask you how much involvement you would like to have. You may want to make decisions, have a small involvement on the day, or be the lead. We can make suggestions about how to be involved so that you can find ways that work best for you. For example, you may want to walk in front of the hearse as you approach the service venue, read a passage or poem during the service or place an item on the coffin.

Do you cater to differing budgets?

Absolutely, we are often asked how much people should expect to pay or what their budget will cover. We are always completely transparent about costs so there will never be any surprises. Our funerals are priced individually rather than as a package. This allows you to build in the choices that are important to you and not have to pay for those things that aren’t.

Creating Personal Memory Boards

We are always inspired by the many ways in which the people we support choose to make a funeral so very personal. This is one of those occasions and we are extremely grateful to Lawrence for allowing us to share the following helpful information about how he created a special ‘Board of Condolence’ for Mary. The following blog is written in Lawrence’s own words.

I was very taken with an idea that came up when we were discussing Mary’s funeral to use Post-it notes rather than a book for condolence, particularly as Post-its were an important part of the training business Mary and I ran for the last 12 years. All our training rooms were covered in them.

For a modern funeral celebration Post-its have some obvious benefits: People can write their messages at their own pace, many doing so simultaneously, and take their time reading the other messages while they post theirs on the board. Also, having colourful notes on the tables and the board brightens up the room for funerals that want a ‘splash of colour’, which is how we also chose to describe our dress code.

Tips for anyone wanting to create a similar Board of Condolence

It is worth using the original branded Post-it® notes and their ‘Super Sticky’ variety. Nobody should have to spend time picking precious memories off the floor.
Test the surface you are using for your board beforehand. Even Super Sticky Post-its don’t stick well to whiteboards. I taped a large sheet of white card over an otherwise shiny board in advance to avoid disappointing drop-offs.
Place some Post-its on the board in advance. Nobody likes to be the first on a blank board and your initial notes can help explain everything. At the start our board contained 8 different coloured Post-its which read ‘Board’ ‘of’ ‘Condolence’ ’Tell us’ ‘Why’ ‘You’ ‘Love’ ‘Mary’. After spotting the board on the way in no one needed to be told what to do. We made no announcements. People just picked up a pad and a pen from the tables or at the bar and gave us some lovely memories and messages.
Provide a big enough board. We received more than enough notes but probably would have had more if my white card had covered the whole board.
Don’t make it look like the office or a meeting room. We used a simple wooden artist’s easel (slightly less than 6’ high) which fitted our setting far better than a standard flipchart or whiteboard stand.
Provide lots of decent size Post-its. 76mm x 127mm worked well for us. We had more than enough for our 120 guests with 12 pads of 90 notes, each split in half, spread across 24 tables each with a pen on top. It was all very colourful and lovely to see people feeling inspired by the abundance of notes.
Give people the right type of pens/markers. Nobody carries the right sort in their jacket or handbag. Ballpoints and rollerballs are fine for normal writing but don’t stand out well enough on Post-its. On Mary’s board everyone wrote their notes with the 1mm line width fibre tipped pens we provided and the results were clear and visually consistent.
Remember to take photos of the finished board in case notes are lost and the layout is meaningful to you. Better still use the free Post-it® smartphone app (from 3M) to digitise your notes – available from the App Store and Google Play.

I recommend the following or similar notes and pens:

Post-it Super Sticky Notes Carnival Color Collection, Pack of 6 Pads, 90 Sheets per Pad, 76 mm x 127 mm.
Post-it Super Sticky Notes Playful Color Collection, Pack of 6 Pads, 90 Sheets per Pad, 76 mm x 127 mm
Pentel Sign Pen – Black, Packs of 12.

One other idea that really worked well for us was having physical postcard size photographs of Mary on the tables (in addition to a constant digital slideshow in the background on a large screen).

We used small wire card holders, each with two photos back to back. With the pictures standing upright, it felt a little like Mary was at every table and it certainly encouraged people to move around and mingle to see all the old happy-snappies and new digital reprints and that sparked lots of conversations.

By Sara Fixter – Funeral Director at FCFP Altrincham

Helping Young People after Online Bereavement

In a time where teenagers and young people form strong relationships online, we need to be able to support them after someone with whom they have an important connection with, has died. This “digital grief” or “digital bereavement” can have a significant impact on those impacted and we consider how best to offer support in these circumstances.

Respecting the nature and depth of online friendships

Teenagers and young people typically spend a lot of time online, using social media, gaming platforms or other online communities. Some of these online relationships can develop into friendships that are as deep and as meaningful to them as any non-online friendship. The anonymity associated with being online may mean that young people are more able and willing to be open and unguarded.

Online relationships provide a way for individuals to connect with others without the pressure of face-to-face interactions. Experiencing a loss of such relationships can be bewildering and lead to feelings of loneliness and distress. If this bond was private then there is also a risk that the young person may be unintentionally excluded from the funeral or other helpful activities.

Not everyone will understand

Technology is moving so quickly, and we need to accept that not everyone immediately grasps the importance and validity of online friendships. It hard for young people to find support if they believe that the value and depth of their online relationships are not respected by others.

Sharing how they are feeling with others in their online community can help but, as with any community, not everyone will be supportive. In extreme circumstances there is a risk that a young person may experience “disenfranchised grief” – a sense that their grief isn’t socially acceptable or is something to be ashamed of.

The first and most important way to prevent this happening is for us all to respect and validate online friendships – only when we do that will the young people we want to support believe that we can support them after bereavement.

Rituals and memorials

Loss and grief are always a unique and personal experience. Furthermore, there are no well-worn conventions to follow after the death of an online friend. The person who is grieving is unlikely to be invited to the funeral and even if they are, the event might not reflect the life of the person as they knew them.

We believe that attending a funeral and talking about the person who has died with others who knew them is helpful. When these opportunities are not as readily available, it may be helpful to explore other ways to acknowledge the loss of an important life and to engage in activities which support the development of continuing bonds.

If the person who died was part of a strong online community, then the group may plan a virtual send-off that pays tribute to the person as everyone in that community knew them.

Memorial pages on social media can be helpful to some, but Facebook only allows memorial pages to be set up by someone with a death certificate which means the whole character of the page may differ from their virtual persona.

Continuing bonds

Continuing Bonds Theory says that when someone dies our relationship with them does not end, but it slowly changes over time. The bond can remain just as strong, and some activities and rituals may help to establish and maintain the development of these bonds.

There are many individual and group activities which support the development of continuing bonds after someone has died. Places, times, objects, songs and pictures can all be powerful and meaningful – if ideas and opportunities can be shared with the young person, then they can choose to engage in a way that feels helpful and right for them.

Finding support

Losing an online friend is a genuine loss that can be felt deeply and should never be regarded as inferior to other forms of grief. The grieving process is the same and professionals understand the emotions felt and how to offer support.

There are some excellent online bereavement support groups and grief websites suitable for young people experiencing loss. Please get in touch if you have any specific questions, or need some advice about where you might find the support you need – we are here to help.

Websites

Teenage Grief Sucks – Grief Support by & for Teens

The Good Grief Trust: Coping with losing a friend – The Good Grief Trust

Young Minds: Dealing with grief and loss | Mental health advice | YoungMinds

Bereavement support

The Counselling and Family Centre (CFC)

Bereavement Support Group – Wednesdays 7-8.30pm. Therapist led. Email [email protected] for a Zoom invitation.

Full Circle Funerals Online Bereavement Support Group

First Wednesday of every month 5.30 to 7.30pm

Tel: 0161 928 6080 for more information

Cruse Bereavement Support, contact your local branch:

Contact your local branch – Cruse Bereavement Support

Sue Ryder – offer free personalised expert grief support by text https://sueryder.grief.coach/

Floral Tributes that Live On

With many of us becoming more aware of the environmental impact of our choices, British grown seasonal plants and living arrangements have become a popular choice for all sorts of occasions, including funerals.

Funeral floral tributes offer huge opportunities to be personal and creative. With choices ranging from floral letter tributes to floral tributes for funerals inspired by favourite colours, sports teams or places.

Independent funeral directors Jez and Sara Fixter, of Full Circle Partners in Altrincham, helped a local family plan a living arrangement for their mother, specifically designed to be replanted after the funeral. Floral tributes can be such a meaningful funeral choices, one which truly reflects the person who has died.

The arrangement featured some of their mother’s favourite seasonal blooms, including snowdrops and primula, with trailing ivy and Japanese holly, all of which could be replanted directly into the soil. Tulips and foliage were included which could be recut and displayed in a vase.

They transplanted the elements into their own garden where they can flourish for many years to come and remind them of their mother and her love of plants.

“It can be so comforting to spend time in the garden looking at the plants and bulbs coming up year after year and feeling a continuing bond with the special and important person you are remembering,” explained Sara.

“The wellbeing benefits of gardening really come into their own at difficult times in our lives, such as after bereavement, and our experience has shown us that finding personal ways to stay connected to someone who has died can have an incredibly positive impact on the grief process.”

The arrangement, which was put together by Hale-based florist Bloom & Gorgeous, was created to be naturally environmentally friendly and used peat free soil and a trough that could be reused as a planter.

“The family felt that being able to replant plants and flowers from the arrangement in their garden would be lovely way to remember and honour her,” said Sara.

“A living arrangement as a floral tribute for a funeral is a very sustainable form of floral funeral tribute which tends to be fitting too, because people who love plants and gardening usually care deeply about the environment.”

The family included another thoughtful touch in the funeral service, displaying a piece of their mother’s embroidery work to recognise her love of snowdrops and her creativity.

“Being able to personalise a funeral creates an opportunity to bring meaning to the event and remember some of the special things about the person.

“Not everyone finds this helpful, of course, and we are always guided by those making the arrangements so that we can provide the information they need to create the kind of funeral they want.

“The important thing is that people know that they have options and that there is really very little that cannot be included, should they wish.”

For more information about Living Arrangements or Funeral Choices contact us.

Find out more about funeral choices.

There are many ways to be creative when arranging a funeral. If you are arranging a funeral or would like to know more to support others, then read on.

What does creativity mean?

We believe that choice and creativity are two sides of the same coin. While discussing this as a team, there are two metaphors which we have found helpful. In our experience, creativity is often “sparked” or “inspired” by knowing the choices that are available – and then making a little tweak here and there.

Choice is being given a menu of delicious dishes to choose from, whereas creativity is being given a bag of ingredients and empowered to make a new dish which is completely unique to your taste.

To use another FCF team metaphor, choice is being given a list of options on a piece of paper and a pencil, to tick the choices that are best for you.

In the funeral arrangement process this difference might look like browsing a selection of existing options and choosing from these or using this knowledge and your experience to curate something a little different. In our experience, talking about what is possible often leads to creative funeral ideas and results in a more creative funeral.

When does creativity happen?

We know that many people consider funeral choices in the weeks and monthly before someone dies and the arrangements and decisions continue until the funeral service or committal take place. In addition to a creative funeral, there are also choices and space for creativity after the funeral with the creation of post-funeral rituals.

Before someone dies, they may share with their family and friends what they would like for their funeral and these wishes are likely to create a framework for additional choices and opportunities to be creative. They may have their own thoughts about creative funeral flowers or other creative funeral ideas.

From the first moment after someone has died, there are choices and whenever there is a choice, there is an opportunity to be creative within these choices. If you are using the service is a funeral director, then you have choices about when someone is brought into their care and what the person who has died is wearing or has with them. Throughout your meetings with the funeral director, they will share choices and give the opportunity for you to together expand these choices with as much, or as little, creativity as you like. For example, there are many creative funeral poem ideas which we can share with you (or you can find using an internet search).

Making funeral decisions takes some time and deliberation and as the right choices become clearer to you, you may also find opportunity to adapt and “tweak” them a little – so they feel even more appropriate a fitting. You may also find yourself taking inspiration from other events or experience you have had – a wedding or other celebration.

What can help?

Being creative within your funeral arrangements is not for everyone. For some, it is an important way to participate and consolation – for others it would be an added and unwelcome pressure. If you know what is possible – they you can do what is right for you.

The time leading up to a funeral is busy and can be quite daunting. If there is a way to utilize the anyone who has offered their help then you might consider asking for them to support with daily tasks like bringing some food, sweeping the leaves or running some errands for you – people often want to help but don’t know where to start and delegating might mean you have a little more time to mull over your options.

You may be very much in touch with your creative side or (like me) sometimes find it a little elusive. If so, you would reach out to some family or friends who you trust and who’s creative sparks you have appreciated in the past. They could come to the florist with you or help you think about something that would accompany the flowers on the top of te coffin.

Top 5 funeral ideas for creatives

Clothing

What would you like people to wear to the funeral? Is there something specific that the person that had died would appreciate? What about a token item to wear, in addition to clothing? Some people like to wear a specific colour, a pin of something special, or incorporate a theme into the clothing to be worn by attendees.

Food and drink

Are you thinking of including food or drink at the funeral or wake? Is there something special that you would like to serve? Did the person that has died have a favourite snack or tipple? Is there a special dish that is important to you as a family or group of friends?

Sharing memories

Some people find that they would like for memories of the person to be shared during the funeral service or at the wake. This could look like particular people speaking during the service, memories being written on cards or in a book by attendees, or asking individuals to contribute their memories to a memory tree or other structure.

Funeral favours

Would you like to give attendees a little something to remember the service? These small gifts could be anything from the person’s favourite sweet or favourite flower bulbs.

Coffin choice

There are many different types of coffins to choose from, but did you know that many can be personalised? Cardboard coffins can be used as a canvas for drawings, paintings, and collage. Flowers can be attached to coffins and so they can form the base of a floral arrangement.

Everyone is different

There is no right or wrong way to approach arranging a funeral, and the important thing is that you make decisions that are right for you and the people that you care about. This might look like making entirely original choices, or it might look like curating options and choices to create an event that is right for you.

If you have enjoyed this blog, you might be interested in reading more about funeral choices. You can also read our previous blogs How to make a funeral more personal and What to wear to a funeral for further inspiration.

books about grief for teens and young adults

Books can help young people process their feelings after bereavement. Stories and other written resources can also open up conversations with teenagers about death and dying.

We’ve picked some of our favourite books which are specifically designed to support adolescents and teenagers during periods of loss.

Out Of The Blue by Julie Stokes and Paul Oxley

Out of the Blue is an activity book which has been developed to support grieving teenagers. It talks openly about the feelings they may be struggling with, using words and stories from teens who have been through similar experiences.

The concept is to provide practical activity-based material to help young people work through their emotions whilst reinforcing the sense that they are not alone. The book is designed so that it can be completed by the teenager on their own or with a family member or professional. The focus is very much on making memories when someone dies.

Buy Out of the Blue

What On Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? By Trevor Romain

‘The author wrote this book after his father died. It is gently written and is accessible for children from the age of 8 to young teens. Using simple language and illustrations, it suggests the emotions a young person may be feeling and offers ideas about what to do to feel better. Throughout the book it offers answers to questions such as ‘Why do people have to die?’ and ‘How can I say goodbye?’

Buy What on Earth do you do when Someone Dies

The Year Of The Rat by Clare Furniss

When 15-year-old Pearl’s mum dies giving birth to her baby sister, she has to cope with both the grief of losing a parent and the distress of having a constant reminder of her death, in the form of the baby which she refers to as ‘the Rat’. Pearl deals with death, life, and family in this poignant and bittersweet novel. This book was shortlisted for the Branford Boase prize and longlisted for the CILIP Carnegie Medal.

Buy The Year of the Rat

Sad Book by Michael Rosen

This is a tender and honest account of a father’s grief for his son from two former Children’s Laureates, writer Michael Rosen and illustrator Quentin Blake. Michael Rosen talks about his sadness after the death of his son in a personal story that is suited to teens and adults.

Buy Sad Book

Sometimes Life Sucks: When someone you love dies by Molly Carlisle

Teenagers can face all sorts of experiences of loss, from the death of a grandparent, pet or school friend to a teen fatality, a peer with terminal illness or living without a parent. It may even be the death of a celebrity or someone they knew online. This book is full of helpful stories, tips and information that will help teens navigate all kinds of loss.

Buy Sometimes Life Sucks

Still Here With Me: Teenagers and Children on Losing a Parent by Suzanne Sjoqvist

This sensitive anthology is made up of the experiences of children and young people who talk about their own feelings following the death of a parent. Describing the pain, loss and anger as well as their struggles to cope with other people’s reactions, this is a a book that doesn’t shy away from taboo experiences. It deals with all kinds of deaths, including heart attacks, addiction, domestic violence, natural disaster and war.

Buy Still Here with Me

You Will be Okay by Julie Stokes

The death of a parent, sibling or friend is one of the most traumatic experiences a child or young person will face. This honest, comforting and strength-building guide is ideally suited to 9 – 12 year-olds and is written by Julie Stokes, a clinical psychologist and founder of childhood bereavement charity Winston’s Wish. It includes stories of people who have been through grief and looks at ways to develop confidence, trust, grit, a resilient mindset and flexible feelings.

Buy You Will be Okay

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness

This bestselling novel about love, loss and hope is aimed at children with a reading age of 11 and above. It tells the story of Conor, who is dealing with his single mother’s ongoing treatment for cancer. It is a valuable read for older children and teens who may be struggling to come to terms with life’s most difficult times.

Buy A Monster Calls

When Shadows Fall by Sita Brachmachari

With a recommended Reading age of 13 -16 years, this book tells the story of Kai, Orla and Zak who grew up together. They are bound together by music, laughter, friendship and big plans for their future. All this is thrown into the air when Kai’s family suffers a huge loss. Trying to cope with his own grief, as well as watching it tear his family apart, Kai is drawn into a new and more dangerous crowd. Orla, Zak and new classmate Om try to help him find his way back, but are they too late?

Buy When Shadows Fall

You might also be interested in reading our blog Books to Help a Grieving Child which has reading suggestions for younger children to support them through bereavement and open up conversations about death and loss.